The Rabbit Listened

You can find words of wisdom in all sorts of places, including a sweet, children’s book. I have been so touched and forever changed by one children’s book in particular, “The Rabbit Listened” by Cori Doerrfeld. I encourage you to order a copy on Amazon for yourself, and a few extras, as there will definitely be a time and occasion when you want to share with someone else in need.

A short summary of the book: A young child builds an amazing tower out of toys, but out of nowhere, it’s knocked down by a flock of birds. The child is devastated after all the time and energy put into this creation - all to be destroyed within a matter of seconds. A variety of animals notice the catastrophe and 1 by 1 each animal tries to tell the child exactly how to deal with the pain. (Chicken - let’s talk; Bear - let’s yell; Elephant - let’s fix it; Ostrich - let’s pretend it didn’t happen, etc. etc.). The child didn’t want to do any of that with any of those animals. Finally, along comes the Rabbit, who simply sits in silence next to the child. And sits. And sits. UNTIL, the child wants to talk, wants to yell, wants to laugh, and eventually, wants to rebuild.

Grief is such a natural part of life. We have all experienced, or will experience it, in our lifetimes. What I have found in the midst of my own grief, is that people are very uncomfortable sitting in pain and discussing pain. As the saying goes, “I have no words.” And, it’s true, there are some tragedies that are just so unthinkable and painful, we don’t have words to make sense of it all. However, what we really need is a Rabbit, who listens, who sits with you, who lets the griever dictate what they need and when and the Rabbit adapts accordingly. But people observing pain often try to find the silver lining or remind the griever “at least you still have … FILL IN BLANK.”

What if we all took a step back and instead of jumping to “at least you still have…”, we sat with the person in pain. We listened. We let them know that we are making space in our hearts for their grief, anger, sadness, etc. And if the griever wants to scream, we scream with them. If the griever wants to cry, we cry with them. If the griever wants to talk, we listen. You see the pattern.

As a transitions life coach, I witness a lot of trauma and grief, and huge life transitions. Part of my role is to be an active listener, to hold space for my clients’ pain, and to support them based on their terms and timeline. I am so grateful that I can be a Rabbit for a variety of individuals out in this world. Personally, I felt just how important it was to have my own Rabbits when I experienced the unthinkable trauma of losing my son, Liam. I can think of no greater way to honor my son than to spread his love and energy into the world as a Rabbit for others. One of the greatest lessons he has taught me. <3

If you are looking for a Rabbit, when you feel ready, you know where to find me.

-JH-

Languish & Blah

I recently read an article written by psychologist Adam Grant called “There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing” regarding the dominant emotion of 2021 due to the Pandemic. We’re all experiencing fatigue in one way or another. We feel weak and droopy and we’re suffering hardship. There are many who are grieving the loss of loved ones. Your loved one isn’t just another COVID number or statistic, they are a valuable human being who didn’t deserve this, nor did you.

Relationships are suffering. Problems that are normally buried due to other distractions and events in life, have come to the surface. The working world is changing as Work From Home is starting to become the norm and saving companies significant amounts of money. Singles are lonelier than ever.

So - what am I trying to get at? Humans need other humans right now. Coaching relationships are even more valuable now than they were before the Pandemic. We are all searching for meaning, purpose, and finding ways to cope with major life transitions that we didn’t expect or want. Setting aside consistent time for yourself to brainstorm ideas, work through grief and pain, and discuss changes in your life is more important than ever. One of my clients was originally discouraged re: the Pandemic and coaching, stating that “no one has answers”, essentially, no one can fix COVID problems. And while no one has a magic wand to make all the sadness and pain go away, we do have the ability to connect, become more self-aware of our emotions and how it’s affecting our thoughts and actions, and brainstorm for the future. The beauty is in the brainstorming and accountability. The client ultimately realized that they needed someone to talk to because they weren’t processing by themselves and didn’t make it a priority. Working with a coach, it became a scheduled call on their calendar that they did not want to miss or neglect.

Please know that no matter how discouraged you feel from the effects of the Pandemic, you are not alone. We all have our detailed list of “blahs” that we can write. You are important and valuable enough to carve out time for self-care. Whether it’s with a coach, therapist, trusted friend, please be kind to yourself and explore what’s going on in your world.

Thinking of you all.

JH

Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy

The quote “comparison is the thief of joy” always makes me pause. Comparison feels so icky and I constantly need this reminder. Especially these days when there is such an obsession with social media. How often does the rabbit hole of comparison take away from self-reflection and focusing on our own journey? Probably more than we’d like to admit.

During and after a major life transition, it can be daunting to sit with your feelings of fear, sadness, and/or anger. It’s much easier to start looking at photos of other people’s lives, wondering how the heck “they have it all.” And do they? Who really knows. But, the more important question is, why does it matter? You can control where you place your attention. If we all spent even half as much time working on ourselves as we did comparing ourselves to others, I think we could slowly start to take control again of our joy.

It’s hard to sit with pain and focus on our own well-being. After a divorce, individuals are truly trying to figure out who they are and how the divorce has affected them. Comparing your divorce to someone else’s divorce or to someone else’s marriage does not help. Taking a deep dive into your own situation and gaining more self-awareness about how you react to stressful situations and how you show up when new opportunities are presented to you is much more productive and important. Because it’s not easy to embark on this self-reflection alone, coaches can be a great resource to keep you on track and hold you accountable. Having a teammate during this discovery process can do wonders in shifting your attitude and decreasing the amount of time spent comparing yourself to others.

If you want to learn more about the coaching relationship and how it could give you the extra push that you need right now, do not hesitate to reach out for a complimentary call. Take control of your thoughts and let’s start to bring back your joy.

-JH-

How To Put Yourself First After Divorce

The ink has dried on your legal paperwork and your divorce is final. That’s “it” right? Everything is “done.”

Not exactly…

It’s completely normal to feel a lack of closure at the end of the legal process. It takes courage and vulnerability to actually spend time digesting the transition that just occurred and working through the variety of transitions that lie ahead due to the divorce. It can be extremely overwhelming and discouraging to handle self-discovery on your own. Friends & family are too invested in your outcome and have their own opinions of what you should do - but how do YOU feel? Where do YOU want to go?

So, how do you put yourself first after your divorce? By committing to consistent, scheduled time on your calendar for yourself. And you must honor that commitment. Think about it, when you schedule a meeting with someone else (whether for business or pleasure) you keep your promise to those other people. You must keep the promise to yourself to schedule time for you.

You just went through the legal process where you had to make several decisions to help restructure your family. But who are YOU? Who do you want to be? Are you changing careers or going back into the workforce for the first time in several years? Do you want to date again? Would you like your confidence back and want to embrace more self-love?! Are you feeling excitement about all of the opportunities but you don’t know where to start?

The good news is, you don’t have to go through this post-divorce journey alone. The Coaching relationship provides the consistency and support that you need to keep your promise. As your coach, I will partner with you to help you become more self-aware of how you are showing up. Once you are more self-aware, we can start to explore where you want to go. Be selfish. Block off time for yourself. You get to decide how you want to feel during this next chapter of life.

-JH-

10 Reasons Why You Might Need A Coach

1. You’re tired of the same vicious cycle/routine.

2. You need an extra push to believe in yourself and your ideas.

3. You’re making an important career decision.

4. You have paralysis by analysis.

5. You’re getting in your own way and keep thinking you’re not good enough.

6. On paper your life looks perfect, but on the inside you feel out of control.

7. You’re drained by constantly worrying about what others think about you.

8. Your relationships have spiraled and you’re feeling lost and alone.

9. You are constantly overwhelmed and have a hard time focusing.

10. You struggle to set aside personal time to invest in yourself.

What is Coaching?

Coaching involves partnering with clients, asking empowering questions and holding clients accountable.  The coaching process helps individuals connect more with their inner purpose, through self-awareness, and apply that toward their goals.   In a safe and confidential coaching environment, a client can explore his or her issues and concerns.

Why do you need a coach if you have your best friend or sibling or other family members to talk to?   Family and friends are wonderful and valuable in many ways.  However, with family and friends comes personal advice and input based on what they would like to see happen; or, they may hold back because they are too afraid to hurt your feelings.  Coaches are objective and nonjudgmental.  They do not have personal interests to meet in partnering with their clients.

Coaches do not simply tell their clients what to do, like consultants.  Instead, coaches truly believe that their clients are the experts of their own lives and they have the answers within.  The coach can suggest new ideas based on intuition and experience, but will continue to stay with the client throughout the process to implement a plan that coach and client come up with together.  A coach helps a client follow through and do what he/she/they says he/she/they will do.

Finally, coaching is not therapy.  Therapy is an amazing service and some clients simultaneously attend therapy while working with a coach.  A therapist’s function is typically to fix problems and sometimes manage mental illness.   Therapists dig deep in the past and the WHY.  Coaches do not stay in the past, but rather, focus on solutions and the HOW.   It’s all about the forward movement; championing clients to take their life from functional to optimal.

Whatever you might be going through, invest 30-minutes of your time for a complimentary call to learn more about coaching and how it might help you change the direction of your life.

-JH-